The Epic Pirongia Slogfest
- Website Website
- Sep 22
- 6 min read
Date: 2nd – 3rd August 2025
Location: Pirongia
Trampers: Connor Pearson, Olivia Gordon, Martin Lambrechtse-Reid, Sabrina Yarndley
Author: Olivia
Be warned that the following narrative was constructed by a yapper (‘concise’ does not exist in her vocabulary), but rest assured that you shall be entertained and will witness some muddy and magical photos if you read on. Enjoy!
Dubbed “Priongia Slogfest,” four mechanical engineering postgrads – well-accustomed to suffering, if not conditioned to enjoy it – salivate at the promise of a gruelling overnight mission: a 900m climb, torrential downpours, and enough mud to rival Rotorua’s Hells Gate spa. Much to their disappointment, the mighty Waikato decides to award another point to New Zealand’s poor weather forecasting stereotype, delivering the first sun the area had seen in weeks.

Day 1 starts before 6am with Connor, who negates his early wake-up efforts with a generous dose of doom scrolling before realising he’s twenty minutes late. He heads to ‘the wops’ to fetch Olivia, who whips out an apron before devouring her microwaved overnight oats. They swing by Sabrina’s to collect her and Martin – the latter banned from touching the boot after destroying it on Connor’s last car (he jumped on it). Denied his usual passenger princess privilege, Martin retaliates by airing his dogs (bare feet) on the centre console.
In need of breakfast (Martin) and a coffee to replace her curdled homemade one (Olivia), the group stop at the tried-and-true golden arches. There, they encounter some true business weapons who appear to be holding a board meeting – in the party room next to the maccas playground at 8am on a Saturday.
A short while later, they cruise into the Kaniwhaniwha carpark. Olivia, regretting her consumption of 1.5 coffees, bolts from the still-moving car to the longdrop. Three respectable overnight packs and one 25L running vest – Connor’s personal challenge to fit all his gear – are unloaded. (He succeeds, though his bag ends up heavier than Martin’s 45L the next morning, somehow). After spotting two vans emblazoned with high school insignia and mentally preparing for a hut full of adolescents, the four set off, bright-eyed, into the mud-soaked unknown.
The journey starts along the Nikau Walk, passing a meandering stream bordering expansive farmland, the wide sunlit path heavy with the potent stench of fresh cowpat and marinating fertiliser. Twenty minutes in, they turn onto the infamous Bell Track and enter the bush (and sludge), pausing to explore the Kaniwhaniwha Cave. Thanks to a May Waitomo caving trip, they breeze through the short loop. A few giant cave wētā are the only notable fauna; Waitomo boasted freshwater crayfish and even a live possum!
Packs retrieved, the trek resumes, Martin trailing a scent of Thai sweet chill doritos that the others keenly follow. Reaching a swing bridge at Blue Bull Stream, they take a short detour to visit a 66.5m Kahikatea – the tallest recorded native tree in New Zealand! The view is toasted with a swig each of Sabrina’s butterscotch, which could easily have been mistaken for a bottle of piss.

Your typical NZ bush bridge
Across the bridge, the ascent to the summit continues, with a short pause in a clearing halfway up for lunch. With the sun blazing, Martin promptly decides to roleplay as Edward Cullen, stripping off his top layers and strolling around shirtless – almost as sparkly as the heartthrob himself. After refuelling on OSMs, tinned tuna, biersticks, Tiny Teddies, PB & wholemeal tortilla wraps, and Chicken Crimpy Shapes (the elite flavour – agreed by all except Martin), they continue skyward.
The group walks almost non-stop for the remaining five hours to reach their accommodation for the night, spurred on by the taunt of fading daylight. Day 1 highlights include:
Occasional wrong turns in the bush, with no visible trail and elusive orange markers leaving the four momentarily directionless. They quickly realise headtorches won’t save them come nightfall.
Reaching ‘The Cone’ under a blanket of heavy cloud and misting rain, the sun vanishing the moment they leave the dense tree cover like a vampire at dawn.
Enjoying Bell Track’s defining feature: ENDLESS MUD. Connor leads the pack as sacrificial lamb, which pays off (for the others) when he plunges into a thigh-high mud pool. Despite his efforts, his gaiters are no match for the sludge. When not scaling near-vertical hills with tree roots their footholds, the group cling to trunks and branches to avoid the
trackpools of mud dominating the ridgeline for the final two hours, so watery and deep in some points that you could have swum in it.A confrontational lesson in tramping nutrition for Olivia: each time she gets stuck in squelching ankle-deep mud, she devolves into low blood sugar-induced delirium and hysterics. An exasperated but amused Connor instructs her to “EAT SOMETHING”, very much done with her antics.

Our hard-earned view (left), discovering Pirongia’s promised mud pools (right)
The four finally stride into Pahautea hut and campsite, not a moment too soon with the sun dipping below the horizon. Chatter and steam waft from the hut kitchen’s open windows: the school group. Mud dripping from shoes and legs through the walkway slats, they trudge down to rinse off the day in the icy wash stations. Boots and pants somewhat returned to their original colour and left in the shoe room, the search for beds ensues.

Passing through the kitchen, word quickly spreads of the group’s daring Bell Track conquest, receiving shock and impressed praise from the other hut occupants – none brave enough to do the same. They manage to snag four bunks together, and feeling victorious sit down to a hearty dinner of Backcountry Cuisine, instant pasta, rice risotto, and communal Fireball. Yarns are spun with two locals chasing a clear night for photos, though unfortunately the cloud doesn’t lift until morning. Martin and Connor gloat about their developing “dad lore,” while Sabrina and Olivia chill, a pink word search book and matching gel pen making a brief appearance.
The following morning is heralded by a softly spoken “girls, time to get up!”, triggering an alarm clock of loudly whispering and shushing schoolgirls on the row of bunks above them. Over breakfast they admire the now expanded (since the last AUTC trip) Danny DeVito shrine in the kitchen, complete with a nearly empty bottle of Jim Beam and more poems and artwork from devoted fans. The hut’s wraparound windows and porch boast incomparable views of Ruapehu, Ngauruhoe, and even distant Taranaki. Distracted by the beauty of their surroundings, Olivia slips and nearly eats shit on the icy deck, scrambling to recover as the others laugh from inside.

Detail shot of the various tributes to Danny DeVito
The group sets off for the day, quickly reaching Pirongia’s summit along a far less muddy track. They climb the steel viewing platform and soak in the sun and scenery as The Lord of the Rings soundtrack plays – “a fully immersive sensory experience was essential” (Martin Lambrechtse-Reid, 2025).

Panoramic views atop Pirongia, accompanied by LOTR
They head down Tahuanui Track, which starts off much like walking down a steep riverbed, notable highlights including:
Spotting countless shrooms along the trail, including a tree splattered with massive fungi. Olivia pretends to eat some (she’s unhinged enough not to need them).
A brief convention at an assembly of mossy tree stumps, where Lord Connor delivers a rousing speech on backward-wearing fashion trends.
Highly fruitful discussions, including topics on cannibalism (in Martin’s words, “meaty thighs” are a must in dire circumstances such as starvation – he nominates himself), the splendour of a bush poo with a view (nature’s scent beats a stale longdrop), and the unmistakably lewd sound of a boot stuck in wet mud… “sounds like good pasta!” exclaim the boys, Sabrina and Olivia helpless as the conversation spirals.

Morning tea mushrooms (left), the convention gang (right)
They stop for lunch beside the Kaniwhaniwha Stream, and before long, they’re back at the carpark. Wet, muddy boots are quickly removed and carefully placed on the small strip of carpet in the boot (brought along specifically), with dry alternatives donned – polypro leggings and jandals over socks for most, jeans and white sambas for Olivia. Powered by the promise of a kebab stop in Taupiri (which absolutely slapped), they embark homeward.
The end!
P.S. Below is Connor’s rendition of what he thought this trip report would look like:
“…and then I took another step and giggled. And then I took another step and giggled. Omg and then like, I took another step and DIDN'T giggle #slayqueen #girlboss”

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